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Concept Reviews
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"lastest research" should be latest research
First para- "I used to be..." the english needs to be tidied up
Transform your Weight time money - maybe put weight time and money in in a differend colour - maybe the burnt ochre type colour you have highlihgting the 3rd para text. - Actually why not go for "Transform your life"
I like the way you've done the contact details
"After extensive studying"... how about changes the sentence round to be more punchy "I have lost 6 stones, I have more energy and enjoy more quality time with my children since I started applying the latest time management and weight loss research to my own life"
I don't really like the little dancing fat people you could drop them for a cleaner design. -
"3" should be spelt out
I'm not a fan of the logo to be honest - i see what you're trying to do with the negative space making the little dancing women.
I like the font used in Vitality mums - nice and clean
It may just be how it has rendered here but the font on the back of the card doesn't render properly.
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Garden Book commented:
Rendering on finished card is good it is just when converted and uploaded for you to see. Sorry about poor typing skills and spelling.
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Chris Arthur commented:i would remove the dancers from the front and back
i see what you mean about 'life' but you might want to try to think of something punchier
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Take the people on the bottom right off. It doesn't need them and would look better with just white space there.
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Garden Book commented:
Thanks.. would you suggest that they are removed from the front and back of the business card?
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Andrew Sharp commented:I would definitely take them off of both sides and replace the cheesy script font of Debra and replace it with the actual signature in something like a permanent marker (digitally of course)
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Garden Book commented:
Thanks for this feedback. It really helps. Will remove the ladies and write my signiture in permanent marker and upload to the business card. Cheers
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i like the logo and colours also the font
the idea of having testimonals on the back is a good idea
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Garden Book commented:
My graphic designer says to make the most of the blank back of the business card. I thought putting a testimonial will help customers see more about me and what can be offered to them. I am using this like a leaflet & business card at the same time.
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I preface my comments by stating that my perspective and commentary are coming from a hetero man in the 35-45 bracket.
I like the earth tones of the color palette that I think are very well chosen, with the blue at the top (sky) and the green on the bottom (land/grass etc).
My first impression was that this is an unflattering depiction of a woman, not because she's obviously voluptuous, but because it appears that she's running scared from something, her arm wailing, her legs awkwardly apart... And I wondered "Where's the grace?"
When you align this pictogram, all 4 women appear to be running away from something chasing them. That does not symbolise vitality but disempowerment.
If vitality through physical activities is what is intended to come forth, then I suggest using a fluid movement that conveys a woman's confidence.
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Garden Book commented:
Yes I don't thing anyone likes the four ladies in the corner. I will do a bit of market research on the logo with some target customers and see if they want her to be thinner. I think by her being a little bit and not thin it is less of a challenge to the mothers. Mums gain about 28lbs after having a baby and most struggle to remove this weight. However I will test it out on some mother and see if a thinner mum would be better.
When you google the word "vitality" you get loads of images of woman with their arms up in the air showing how much vitatily and health they have. It symbolises health, well being, happiness etc...
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Ok, as far as originality goes, it's pretty good however...
There are 3 different fonts on the front, this is pretty bad, generally when you design a business card you use the same font as that as in the logo.
Also my why the title Ms Debra Ford? why not Debra Ford?
where's the web address, surely you want them to visit your webpage?
wait, including back of card there are 4 fonts!
There's a typographic rule that when it's less than 10 you use the number in letters (last line 3! should be three!)
Debra has a white stroke, if you remove the blue shape in the background, the white stroke is irrelevant, plus the card will be cleaner...
Personally I hate Eurostile as a font, it's too blocky for this type of business card try using Helvetica Light...
Good Luck, I hope this review helps!
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Garden Book commented:
Thanks Aaran for your detail feedback. A lot of the things you have pointed out now seem very obvious and I wondered why myself or my graphic designer did not notice this. LIke remove 'MS', put three instead of 3 and where is my web address!!!!
Thanks about the reducing the number of fonts being used.
We will see how it looks with out the blue background lady image on the back of the card to see how it looks.
Will make the changes over the next 2 weeks and post again for comments.
Thanks again all Concept views.....
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Front side: I'd continue to work on the silhouette of the woman. The bust and arms feel like they need revision, don't look entirely realistic, for example the elbows seem out of place. Also the twitter and facebook icons feel out of place on this card.
On the backside the text is a bit hard to read with the blue silhouette behind it, might consider fading that out a bit. Also, I hope the rendering of the text looks better in final output, it's looking strange here.
Good luck with your card and the business!
Thanks -Yes 3 should be three. -Your long sentence sounds good also.
-Do you mean remove the 3 dancing ladies on the front of back of the card? -The English is aimed as being conversational and not precise. "I used to be..." but will look at changing the wording. - Transform your life is a good idea. Trying to avoid the word life and people don't want you to work on their life and what do you mean about giving me advice on my life??? Specifying weight, time and money shows exactly the areas being looked at and not just your whole life. Using life will put people off. I have did some market research on this and I am avoiding using the word life. Please comment on my comments.