| Minor Problem | |
ModelsI agree with the other poster regarding the models. Though the photos look professional and beautiful they do nothing to tug at my heart strings. These are obviously pictures of well paid models who couldn't care less about science and math. Using real pictures of happy children at local schools who have no clue that their school is struggling and that they are not receiving the education they deserve would have a much greater impact, and would really line up well with the giant attention grabbing facts. | |
| Positive Feature | |
Looks great!Seeing only a few images of a few pages it's impossible to critique the entire work but from what I can see it looks really great. It looks professional, which is what you were going for. At first glance, it looks like it has interesting content too, as opposed to boring corporate fluff. It looks like the kind of booklet I would want to at least flip through, if not have a serious look at. I love the giant type random stats to grab a reader's attention. They are the kind of stats that make me want to do something to help. | |
| Other | |
What's in the details?I can only assume that the fine print print talks not only about how badly help is needed but also specifically about *how* my financial contribution would help. As a donor, wanting to help is not enough. I have to be convinced that my contribution will not go to waste. | |
Hey Stephanie, I see that you're done, so offering critique now is moot. BUT.. I wanted to say that I really enjoy the way this looks. I love the color-scheme.. the infographics... and whitespace... the spreads you shared here are all delightful & beautiful.
I do agree with others that different images might've strengthened this piece. They could help to illustrate the importance of the situation. The images used show that things are working, and are well. illustrating that they don't have supplies or staff needed might've been a cool approach. (For instance: maybe there could have been a dotted outline where the microscope should be? showing that the equipment they need is not available to them? - or an outline of a missing teacher's assistant? Or students sleeping at their desks? Or not paying attention, or looking lost)
What shocking statistics! I'm glad you gave them so much spotlight. Hopefully they will inspire a deeper read of this booklet and really touch the hearts of the donors.
As-is, this is a great portfolio piece and a wonderful cause.
| Positive Feature | |
Color Palettenice color combinations | |
CleanIt looks sharp! very professional | |
Nice info-graphics!simple, easy to read, clean! | |
Great printingthe printing quality looks great | |
clean, colorful, energetic, professional, engaging... design. It is one of the best works i have seen in this community. Good job.
| Minor Problem | |
Maybe a hook after the fact on the graphic pagesMaybe it is the marketer in me but I like a hook on the graphic pages. In the “20 Minutes: The average… The lowest in the Nation” page is a fact – yes it is alarming, but what is the hook. Facts are not hooks. What will happen if it continues? What happens if we do not do something now. Maybe it is covered else where in the booklet, but it needs to be on the High Impact pages (in my opinion) because you need to link the fact with the problem and the solution that you want them to fund. Especially given how Washington’s current and future success is linked to Science, Technology, Engineering and Math you need to dive home that point on the graphic pages. This is not an education issue – it is a Future Success Of our economy Issue. Sell the economic impact as well as the emotional impact. If the brochure is already in the late stages and you wish not to change it then consider using a Cover letter that links the facts to the economic and emotional impact and the outcome you want. On the whole I must say what you are setting out to do with this very important work and I wish you all the best. Please succeed for all of us. | |
| Positive Feature | |
Good visualGood visual presentation | |
Great booklet for a great cause.
Need to sell the impact of not acting now not just the problem. Sell the benefits.
for me the design is very attractive, clear and it fits for its purpose.
| Minor Problem on kids spread 2.jpg | |
| 1 | Full page bleeds would add greater impact and make the booklet appear more professional. |
| Serious Problem on science girls.jpg | |
| 1 | These models are not believable as high school students. They look as if they came from an agency and went to wardrobe and make-up before the photo shoot. Donors want to see authenticity in the images they are presented. |
| Positive Feature on spot chart.jpg | |
| 1 | Great chart! |
| Positive Feature on empty classroom.jpg | |
| 1 | The use of a translucent color band over an image to highlight key points is very effective. |
Overall, everything looks very good. You have a well-thought-out, well-designed layout. I think using full-page bleeds would increase the booklet's sense of professionalism. And, I would really like to see authentic models. All else looks great!