ZoomConcept Reviews
Summary:
Like the simplicity, love the background with the tree. The type used for "The Story of Michael" is also really nice.
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Summary:
Hi David
Congratulations on a beautifully put together piece of marketing. It looks great in almost every respect.
And there's the rub... the content doesn't come close to matching the design. I'm no literary critic, but I can write sales copy and I know my way round evocative mental imagery. This text needs a complete work-over from top to bottom. I don't wish to be brutal, but some of the mistakes in this are like fingernails on a chalkboard.
The grammatical errors are legion. I'm not going to list them all – that would appear petty. I'm more concerned with the basic strategy you're using to sell this book. The precis gives me nothing. It's not clear what it's about; who it's for or why anyone would bother following Michael's adventures. In short, there is no single compelling reason to go past the title.
Which brings me to major issue number two - the title. It encapsulates all that's lacking in this pitch. Who is Michael? Why is his story of any interest? Why on earth should I bother? Give me something, anything, to latch on to. You see, you're positioning this as a biography, so if his name were well-known, or even just interesting, you'd stand a better chance of capturing interest.
The Story of Michael Collins – at least I might know who he is. The Life and Times of Michael Mainstream – at least it has some intrigue.
Mostly tho', the text is gratuitous and self-serving, with little or no thought given to exciting your potential reader. And while we're there, let's make it as difficult as possible to actually read the words. Body copy IN ALL CAPS REDUCES READERSHIP ON AVERAGE BY APPROX 90%.
David, I've been harsh. But someone's gotta say it. Hopefully, you'll see it as fair. I'd love to see this when your wordsmithing comes close to matching your undoubted design talent. Incidentally, I prefer the full width page layout. The framed images tend to constrict the general feel of the piece.
Hope this helps.
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David Blane commented:Hey Steve,
Thanks for the in-depth review! I couldn't agree more with your sentiments.
Copy - I think you are right 100%. I would say that this is just placeholder, made-up-at-three-in-the-morning copy. But your insight has already helped me gather more information than I would have expected. Title - I hate to be stubborn, but this is something that will likely not change, unless a publisher insists on it. Perhaps a sub-title is in order? Font - It's all caps automatically. I will heed your warning, though, and find a better font. New aim is for something light and easy to read.
Thanks again for the positivity on the design. It's good to know that people are at least liking the overall feel.
David
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Minor Problem Original
I like the shadows around the pictures, which are beautiful and it's one of the most important thingPositive Feature Text matter
I think the text is globally too small to reed it on a notebook
Thanks Chris! How does it 'sell' the book? Did it make you interested in reading it at all?